


tattoos together (cause i love you)

by momochannie



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: 3+1 fic, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Fluff, Kissing, Love Confessions, M/M, Tattoos, it's not a thing but i'm making it a thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-12 11:33:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29509056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/momochannie/pseuds/momochannie
Summary: Chan knows there are things he can't have, like tattoos, like Felix. The more tattoos Felix gets, the more Chan starts to question whether that's true.(or, 3 times Felix gets a tattoo and 1 time when Chan gets one with him)
Relationships: Bang Chan/Lee Felix
Comments: 24
Kudos: 121
Collections: SKZ Jukebox Fest Round One





	tattoos together (cause i love you)

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is based on the song Tattoos Together by Lauv! I would suggest listening to it while you read it to get the whole experience. 
> 
> I'm so excited to be a part of this fest, thank you to the mods for being awesome!

1) 

Chan and Felix were walking along the river when Felix turned and asked, “Have you ever thought about getting a tattoo?”

Chan hummed in thought. He couldn’t say that he had, not in any real capacity at least. With their line of work and the unrealistic conversative values they were expected by the media to uphold, it had never crossed his mind as something that was possible. Maybe if he was still living in Australia, going to uni, he would have thought about it.

“Not really,” he said. He glanced over at Felix. “What about you?”

“I’ve been thinking about it a lot,” Felix said. “I’ve always wanted one, but I don’t know if it’s allowed?”

The eight of them did plenty of things they weren’t allowed to. At the dorm when no one else was around, they could be themselves. They swore as much as they wanted, were open about their sexuality, did whatever they wanted within the rules they had established for themselves.

Felix’s gentle questioning about tattoos was likely his way of asking Chan if it was okay. And really, Chan didn’t and shouldn’t have any say over it.

Chan shrugged. “If you want one, I don’t see why you shouldn’t.” He led them up the stairs to the bridge. “Maybe just don’t get it in a place where people would see.” 

Felix leaned against the railing at the top, his back to the river, facing Chan. “Or you know, most people,” he said with a smirk. 

The blood rushed to Chan’s face and he quickly looked away, back down to the river. Felix laughed and leaned against him. “Come on, it was funny!” Felix said, still giggling. 

“It was funny,” Chan conceded, smiling at him. 

He pushed away the longing that welled up inside him and the jealousy that maybe someone else would get to be with Felix the way that he so desperately wanted to. Just like there wasn’t a reality in which Chan would get a tattoo, there wasn’t one where he could tell Felix how he felt. It just wasn’t possible, so there was no point dwelling on it.

“Would you go with me?” Felix asked, his gaze apprehensive when he met Chan’s. 

“Of course,” Chan said. If Felix needed him, he would be there, no matter what, without a second thought.

“What do you think about a wave?” Felix asked, his eyes brightening. He held out his phone to Chan, showing him the tattoo idea. 

Chan nodded, handing it back to him. “For home?”

“Yeah,” Felix said. 

That was how Chan found himself in a tattoo parlor in Hongdae a week later. They sat in the waiting room by themselves while the artist finished with their other client. Felix had started bouncing his leg when they had sat down five minutes ago and hadn’t stopped since. 

Chan laced his fingers through Felix’s and squeezed. “Lix,” he said, softly. Felix turned to look at him, eyes wide. “It’s gonna be okay.”

“I know,” he said, squeezing Chan’s hand. “I’m just nervous.”

“That’s okay, little one,” Chan said. He couldn’t tell if the flush on Felix’s cheeks was from nerves or the nickname. He didn’t know which one he wanted it to be. “You’re gonna be happy you did it, though.”

“I know,” he said, laying his head on Chan’s shoulder. 

“Lee Felix?” the tattoo artist called, stepping into the waiting room. 

“That’s me,” Felix said, standing up a little too quickly. The tattoo artist motioned to follow him and Felix did, looking back first to make sure Chan was following. If he recognized them, he didn’t give any indication, which Chan was thankful for. 

Felix sat down on the padded table and the tattoo artist explained the process to them. Chan pulled up a chair on the opposite side of the artist while he and Felix discussed placement and applied the stencil. The design Felix had decided on was a minimalistic black ink wave on the top of his left thigh. It was probably the one of the easiest parts of his body to hide from prying eyes. 

“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” Felix whispered to Chan as he laid down on the table. The nervous energy had been replaced with giddy excitement. Chan smiled down at him fondly.

“You ready?” the artist asked, the tattoo gun buzzing, poised above Felix’s skin. 

“Ready as ever,” Felix said, lacing his fingers between Chan’s again. 

Felix looked away as the needle touched his skin as if bracing for impact. He gripped Chan’s hand, squeezing it tightly. It hurt, but Chan didn’t let it show on his face. After a minute or so, Felix relaxed a little, releasing his death grip on Chan’s hand. 

“It doesn’t hurt that much,” he said, staring up at Chan, his eyes wide. “Just feels a little weird.”

“You’re doing so well,” he said, giving him a reassuring smile. 

Felix let out a long breath, loosening his grip even more. “It really isn’t that bad.” Chan rubbed his thumb in circles on the back of his hand. 

They made quiet small talk about what they would do when they got home, how Felix’s ranked League games were going, ideas for the new song Chan was working on. Before they knew it, it was over. The tattoo didn’t have too much shading and detail, so it hadn’t taken as long as they were expecting. 

The artist wrapped the tattoo in what looked like plastic wrap and gave Felix aftercare instructions. Felix didn’t let go of his hand and Chan didn’t have the heart to either. 

Chan started mesmerized at the raised black ink, now permanently in Felix’s skin, and the angry red skin around it. Felix held up his bag of aftercare materials, tearing Chan’s gaze away from the tattoo. 

“Let’s go home,” Felix said. They only let go of each other’s hands when they reached the door of the tattoo parlor.

When they got back to the dorm, Felix was swarmed by the others wanting to see his tattoo. He laughed, holding up the leg of his shorts to show them. Jisung tried to reach out and poke it, but Chan swatted his hand away. 

“It’s still an open wound,” Chan scolded. 

“It looks so weird though,” Jisung said, bringing his face closer to look. 

“I want one,” Hyunjin said with a pout. 

“I don’t know why you would stick needles with ink in them into your body willingly, but good for you, Lix,” Minho said.

Felix shrugged, letting the pant leg fall over the protective wrap again. “It didn’t hurt much,” he said. “I kind of want another one.”

“Take me next time,” Hyunjin said. 

“Me too,” Jisung said. 

Felix looked over at Chan where he now stood toward the back of the group. “Maybe,” he said.

After dinner, everyone dispersed to their own activities, still soaking in the end of their day off. Chan was still sitting in the kitchen, scrolling aimlessly on twitter.

“Chris,” Felix called in a singsong voice. Chan looked up to see him standing in the doorway, watching him. “Can you help me?” He held up the bag the tattoo artist had given him. “I’m afraid I’ll do it wrong.”

“Of course, Lixie,” Chan said, getting up and following him to the bathroom. 

He sat on the counter next to the sink, wearing only a loose t-shirt and boxers. Chan realized, belatedly, that it was his shirt. He cleared his throat, shook his head a little to dislodge all the thoughts that seeing Felix like this brought to mind. There was a high possibility that the image would plague his thoughts for many nights to come, though. 

“I think I just need to take this off, use the soap we bought the other day, and then put on the moisturizer the guy gave me?” Felix asked, unaware of Chan’s internal crisis. 

“Yeah,” Chan agreed, nodding, looking down at the wrapping. 

Felix’s fingers hovered over the tattoo, and then moved to carefully remove the plastic. He balled it up and chucked it in the trash, and lightly ran his fingers over it. “Weird,” he mused. 

Chan and Felix both washed their hands and Felix began carefully cleaning off the tattoo. The waves made smooth curves of ink against Felix’s skin, splattered with the occasional freckle. Just like at the shop, he couldn’t tear his eyes away from it. 

“Do you want to touch it?” Felix asked. 

Chan looked up at him, cheeks heating up at being caught staring. Felix smiled at him encouragingly, his cheeks a little pink too.

Looking down again, Chan ran his fingers lightly across the raised skin, traced the shape of the wave. He imagined, just for a moment, that they had met each other in a different place, a different time. A reality where Felix could get as many tattoos as he wanted and Chan could trace their imprint on his skin whenever he wanted. Felix’s muscle twitched and Chan pulled back, afraid he had hurt him. 

“Just tickles,” he said, his face now ruby red. 

Chan realized how close they were then, how little distance he would have to cross to join their lips together. He wondered if that was something Felix wanted, too. 

“Do you think you’ll ever get one?” Felix asked, not looking away from Chan. 

“Maybe someday,” Chan said. He wondered if they were still talking about tattoos. “Anything’s possible.”

“I sure hope so,” Felix said, his voice almost a whisper. 

2)

The subject of tattoos became a regular topic of conversation around the dorm in the months after. Hyunjin took to doodling ideas on himself, the rest of them becoming his canvases as well. 

They were eating lunch during dance practice one day when Seungmin of all people suggested that the ‘00 line get matching tattoos. Hyunjin, Jisung and Felix immediately lit up, trading ideas of the different tattoos they could get, where they could get them. 

Chan leaned against the wall of mirrors, watching Felix, happy at the fact that he was happy. Minho came up and sat next to him, knocking their knees together. 

“You’re so obvious,” he said quietly. 

Chan pursed his lips and tore his eyes away from Felix, meeting Minho’s slightly amused gaze. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said. It sounded more calm than he felt on the inside. 

“Yes, you do,” Minho said. “You look at him like he’s the sun.”

Chan rolled his eyes, gaze flicking back to Felix at the sound of his laughter. “That’s because he is the sun,” he said softly. He turned back to Minho. “But please don’t tell him.”He put on his most pathetic pleading face for him. 

Minho just chuckled. “I won’t,” he said. “But you should tell him.”

Chan didn’t dignify that with an answer. 

Later that month on another rare day off, Hyunjin, Seungmin, Jisung and Felix went out to get matching dragon tattoos for their birth year. It was fine, Chan told himself. It wasn’t like Felix was obligated to take him with him every time he got a tattoo. It wasn’t like Chan could get a tattoo with Felix.

This was good, this was a happy event. There was no logical reason for Chan to wait around and mope in the dorm all day. But he did anyway. 

He tried to watch a movie with Jeongin, but kept losing focus, his mind wandering to the tattoo parlor. He joined Changbin at the gym, but couldn’t really push himself that day the way he needed to for a good workout. 

When he got home, he headed into Minho’s room. He was curled up in a blanket, reading something on his phone. Chan stood there in the doorway, bouncing from foot to foot, too nervous to disturb him. 

“Are you gonna come in, or are you just gonna stand there all day making me anxious?” Minho asked, not looking up from his phone. 

“Right,” Chan said. He sat down on the floor, his back against the bed frame. 

“You’re being insufferable today,” Minho said. “Really, you’d be much happier if you just talked to him.”

“I don’t think you know how much I really can’t do that,” Chan said, knocking Minho’s phone out of his hand and onto the bed.

“I don’t think you know how stupid you’re being,” Minho said, smacking his hand. “Seungmin and I worked things out, now look how happy we are.”

A few weeks ago, Minho and Seungmin’s constant bickering had seemingly overnight shifted into couple bickering. Everyone had been very supportive, if a little confused.

“But you’re not the leader,” Chan protested. 

“I’m not a massive idiot either,” Minho snickered.

“Yah!” Chan stood up and turned to leave. “You’re no help.”

“I’m plenty help, you’re just too stubborn,” Minho shouted after him. 

It was almost midnight by the time they got back. Minho, Changbin and Jeongin had already gone to bed, but Chan had stayed awake, working. Chan looked up from his laptop to see them come through the door in a flurry of hushed giggles. Chan greeted them and then focused back on his work, trying to ignore the pang of jealousy that shot through him. The noise quietened as they made their way down the hallway to the bathroom, presumably to clean their tattoos. 

Chan jumped a bit in surprise as the couch dipped down beside him. He looked over to see Felix, his freckled cheeks flushed from the cool autumn air.

“Sorry,” Felix said. “Didn’t mean to scare you.”

“It’s okay, Lix,” Chan said. “Did you have fun.”

Felix nodded. “Wanna see?” Chan nodded back. 

He stood up, unbuttoning his pants. Chan’s heart began to beat just a little faster than was probably medically advisable. Felix pulled down on the waistband far enough to reveal the image of a small, intricate dragon on his right hip.

“Did it hurt?” Chan asked after he regained the ability to breathe again.

Felix shrugged. “A little,” he said. “Hurt more than the first one.”

The adrenaline running through him made it easy to ask, “Did anyone hold your hand?”

“Jisung,” Felix said, quietly.

Chan stood up, closing his laptop. He took Felix’s hand, laced their fingers together. “Probably wouldn’t have hurt as much if I were there.” He gave Felix’s hand a squeeze and let it go. 

3)

The tattoo fever died down in the dorm a little after that. Chan spent more time in the studio writing. His emotions were getting harder to keep down, and letting them out in the form of music was easier for everyone. Felix came to visit him sometimes, especially on nights where he stayed at the studio a little too late. 

That night, Felix popped his head into his studio around midnight with food and that smile that always made Chan weak. They talked about the songs Chan was working on for their next album, the side projects that were taking up too much of his time. 

As Chan went back to work for a little while before they went home, Felix flipped through one of his many notebooks filled with lyrics and doodles. He leaned his head on Chan’s shoulder and Chan ran a hand through his hair. 

“That’s so pretty,” Felix said, pointing to a doodle of a compass in the margins. 

Chan smiled, his mind fuzzy with sleep and affection. “That’s you,” he said. “Always there to show me the right way to go.” 

Felix giggled and it made his heart clench. “No that’s you,” Felix said. “You’re my second star to the right.”

“I guess we’ll guide each other,” Chan said, turning to him. 

“We’ve been doing that all along.” He turned to Chan and smiled. “And we always will.” 

Felix turned back to the notebook and took out his phone and took a picture of the doodle.

Chan could have told him then. He felt the words on the tip of his tongue. It should have been the easiest thing in the world. But he still couldn’t say anything. 

A few days later, Chan was in the same place. It seemed these days like he never really left. Chan turned around to see Felix peeking in again, but it was too early for him to be dragging him back to the dorms to sleep; it was only dinner time. 

“Can you take a break for just one night?” Felix asked with a pout. 

“Maybe,” Chan said, turning around in his chair. “Why, little one?”

“I was wondering if maybe you wanted to go with me to get a tattoo?” Felix walked over and took his hand. “You know, so it won’t hurt as much.”

Chan couldn’t contain the smile on his face. “I would love to.”

As they walked through the busy streets, back to the same shop as before, Chan asked, “What are you getting this time?”

Felix smiled, keeping his eyes fixed on the road ahead of them. “It’s a surprise,” he said. Felix’s secretiveness made him nervous, even as his smile made his heart giddy. 

They went to the same tattoo parlor, the same artist as before. Everything was the same as before too, except it wasn’t. Chan was the one bouncing his leg in the waiting room, jitters running through him and he didn’t even understand why. The artist beckoned them back, just like before and Chan took up his same chair next to the table. 

“Where are we putting this one, Felix?” the artist asked with a friendly ease. 

Felix pulled his shirt over his head and set it beside him. “I was thinking here,” he said, pointing to a spot a few inches below his collar bone.

When the artist placed and peeled back the stencil, Chan saw a familiar drawing of a compass. His compass. The exact same one that he had drawn in his notebook. He looked up at Felix, who had a small smile on his face. This all felt much bigger, much more important than it had when they were walking over here. Felix was getting something he drew, a symbol of their friendship permanently tattooed on his skin forever. 

“Why?” Chan asked, his voice a whisper. 

Felix took his hand this time, making every painful thought threatening to come into his mind fall away. “Because you’re always gonna be there for me, and I’m always gonna be there for you,” he said. “And everytime I see it, I’ll remember.”

Chan didn’t let go of his hand during the tattoo. It was surreal, watching something he had drawn become part of Felix. It was an imprint of him that would never go away. A piece of him would always be nestled next to Felix’s heart, no matter how far away he was. 

It wasn’t like he himself was getting a tattoo, but this blurred the line just a little bit, made him feel like things were possible that once weren’t. The rational that he had always used to force down his feelings didn’t seem like it made sense anymore. 

Did Felix know he felt like that about him? Did Felix feel that way about him?

He only let go of his hand briefly for Felix to put his shirt on when they were done. This time, when they reached the door to the street, he only tightened his grip. 

They walked in comfortable silence, unconsciously making their way towards the less populated streets. The autumn air made goosebumps rise up on his bare forearms. The sun was nearly set, the neighborhood lit only by street lamps.

“You know the other reason I got the tattoo?” Felix asked. He stopped under the light on the empty street. 

Chan turned to face him and took in his quiet smile, his eyes made of liquid sunshine, the constellations of freckles across his cheeks. Felix turned to him and took his other hand. 

“Because I love you,” Felix said. “Like, really love you.”

It felt like all the breath had been knocked out of him. There was a surety in Felix’s face and Chan held onto that as his world turned upside down on him.

“I…” Chan had imagined this a thousand times, a thousand different ways, but now he couldn’t find the words. Felix rubbed his thumbs against the backs of his hands. “I love you so much,” he confessed, his voice crackling. It was the only thing he was sure of.

“I know, Chris,” Felix said, his smile somehow even brighter. “And I hope you know now that no matter what happens, we’ll be by each other’s sides forever. However you want me, that’s what I’ll be for you.”

“Felix, you don’t have to do that for me,” he said. “I love you, and I want to be with you.” He felt his eyes widen at his own declaration, surprising both himself and Felix. “I do. I’m sorry I never said it before.” Chan had never been able to easily say that he needed or wanted anything.

“Is that okay with you?” Chan asked, eyes flicking down. 

Felix held Chan’s face in his hands and Chan looked at him again. “It’s all I could ever want.” He leaned forward, pressing his lips gently against Chan’s. It was the smallest kiss, but to Chan it felt like a revelation. “You’re all I could ever want,” he said, pulling back just slightly.

Chan was so far past the ability to use words, so he just kissed him like he had dreamed about for years. He hoped that would be enough. With the way Felix kissed him back, he thought it just might be. 

+1)

Chan woke up to Felix pressing soft kisses against his neck, his shoulders, his cheeks, anywhere he could reach from his position curled up against his side. He turned his head, meeting Felix’s lips before he even opened his eyes. Felix made a noise of surprise before melting into the kiss.

“Good morning, love,” Chan whispered against his lips. 

“Morning,” Felix whispered back. 

It had only been a few days since they had told each other their feelings, but being with Felix like this was more amazing than he could have ever imagined. His heart felt full to the bursting every time he saw Felix. He couldn’t contain his love for him, his happiness, and he didn’t have to. It felt like a giant weight had been lifted off his chest. 

Even half-awake as he was, he kissed Felix like he was precious, savoring every movement of his lips, every tiny gasp. He didn’t want to take any of it for granted, to forget anything about this boy he loved so dearly. 

Chan rolled him onto his back and looked down at him, marveling that he could just do this now wherever he wanted. He ran his fingers over his collarbones and down his chest, lightly tracing his tattoo that was still healing. 

“You should get a tattoo of the sun,” Chan mused. He pressed kisses to the freckles on his chest, on his shoulders.

Felix giggled, rolling on top of him now, legs straddling him. “I think you should get one,” Felix said.

“I wouldn’t even know what to get,” Chan said. He pulled Felix down for another kiss. Felix hummed into it, resting his forearms on either side of Chan’s head.

“You’ll get the sun for me,” he said in between kisses. “And I’ll get the moon for you.”

“But you already have a tattoo for me,” Chan said, pulling away, caressing the freckles on his cheeks. 

“So?” Felix asked. He broke out in a wide grin. “Let’s get tattoos together.”

Chan rolled his eyes, but he couldn’t deny this boy anything. “Okay love,” he said.

Felix called his usual artist later that morning when they finally drug themselves out of bed, and they were able to get an appointment that day. Chan was more excited than he was nervous, loving the way Felix was so excited at the idea. 

“What if we drew them on each other?” Felix asked while Chan was making them breakfast. “I read that you can tattoo over sharpie.”

Chan smiled. “You really want me to draw it?”

“Yeah, and I’ll draw yours! I already have one thing that you drew tattooed.” Felix looped his arms around Chan’s waist, resting his head on his back.

“I think that would be fun, baby,” Chan said. “Where should we get them?”

“I was thinking here,” Felix said, fingers squeezing Chan’s rib cage. Chan jumped a little and Felix laughed, wrapping his arms back around him. “Sorry,” he said in a sing-song voice, not sounding very sorry at all.

“You’re lucky you’re cute,” Chan said, a smile on his face. “But yeah, I like that too.”

After breakfast, they laid back down in bed, but this time with the express purpose of drawing tattoos on each other. Chan laid in the bottom bunk on his side, Felix kneeling on the floor, hovering above him. 

“This is way too soon to get tattoos, huh?” Felix asked, looking at Chan’s unmarked skin. 

Chan reached out and stroked a hand through Felix’s hair. “It probably is,” he said. “But fuck it, whatever, I don’t care.” Felix looked at him, adoration clear in his eyes. “I love you.”

Felix leaned down and kissed him. “I love you, too.”

He watched Felix as he worked, his tongue poking out of his mouth as he concentrated. The scrape of the marker felt strange against the skin of his ribs, but Chan supposed the actual tattoo would feel even weirder. 

When Felix was done, it was Chan’s turn. He drew a simple crescent moon, the second marking this week that Felix would get tattooed because of him. 

“You know,” Chan said when he was done. “At this point, half of your tattoos are ones you got for me.”

Felix smiled at that. “I love it.”

Changbin came back to the room to grab something and rolled his eyes at Chan and Felix. “I’m never going to get peace in this room anymore, am I?” he asked, a half smile on his face.

They eventually got ready and went to grab a quick lunch before heading to the tattoo shop. Felix was in a giddy mood and it took away all of the nerves that Chan had about getting his first tattoo. 

“Do you want to go first, or should I?” Felix asked once they were at the shop.

“Maybe the newbie should go first,” the tattoo artist said. “Just to get it out of the way.”

Chan shrugged and pulled off his shirt, laying down on his left side. He was getting the sun on his right side, while Felix got the moon on his left. The buzz of the tattoo gun startled Chan, and he reached out to grab Felix’s hand. 

“It’s okay,” Felix said. “It doesn’t hurt that much and this one won’t take very long.” Chan nodded, squeezing his hand tighter. He remembered how nervous Felix looked his first time, and imagined he must look the same. 

The feeling of the needles against his skin was jarring at first. Felix reminded him to breathe, and he realized he had been holding his breath. He let it out and found that if he focused on his breathing, the feeling on Felix’s hand in his, it really didn’t hurt at all. He felt safe, because Felix was there. He looked up at Felix, knowing this is what Felix must have been feeling for him the times he had held his hand through it.

As soon as it had started, it was over. It felt like a bad sunburn, not a sharp pain anymore. The artist wrapped it up and gave him the same aftercare lecture that he had to Felix.

When it was Felix’s turn, it didn’t look nervous at all. 

“You’re a pro now, huh?” Chan asked. 

“Yeah, but I still want to hold your hand,” he said, smiling, twining their fingers together again.

That night, when they were washing their new tattoos together for the first time, Felix ran his fingers lightly over the sun on Chan’s ribs. His nose was scrunched up in a smile, a flush on his cheeks. There was nothing better than this, what they had made together. Chan said a silent prayer to whoever was listening that it would last forever.

**Author's Note:**

> [twitter](https://twitter.com/ichigolix) | [cc](https://curiouscat.me/ichigolix)


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